Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
