Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think I died a long time ago.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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