which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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