In the future we'll all be gay
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
