They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
