Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
