I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need a burrito and a hug.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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