its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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