so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
