Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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