Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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