I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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