i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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