i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize