p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
