I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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