i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
