Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
