Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
