You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
