I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
