Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
