I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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