Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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