Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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