it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
