We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
