If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
