The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
