Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
