How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
