I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
