i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
