I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize