he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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