Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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