I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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