You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize