Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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