First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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