I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
