Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Couch. On fire.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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