Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
