YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
