So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
