Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
