That's intense
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
