do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
