Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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