epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize