Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
