made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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