i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
