Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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