We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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