i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
