Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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