i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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