Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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