I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize