Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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