Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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