life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
