Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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