I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
