if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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