Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
