I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sober January is a disaster.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
