your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
