just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
