Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
