It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
