dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
