hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
