Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
