Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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