I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
