We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
