So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
