I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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