I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
