Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
