I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
