As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize