So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
