hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
