i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
