You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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