P.S. I can't hear my feet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
