so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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