You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
