how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
