You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
