And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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