Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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