At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
