Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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