What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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