It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
