grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize