I feel like abortions should bother me more
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
