If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
