If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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