dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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