weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
false alarm. still invincible.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
