I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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