Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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