I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
