i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
