My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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