watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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