A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
